Worst Date Ever
A short story by Justine Nelson
Not knowing what his next move might be, I cautiously tucked my hair behind my ear. The movie theater was filled with pimpled teenagers and the smell of buttered popcorn was overwhelming. Todd nudged me in the small of my back with his hand as we made our way to our seats. It was our first date and I was anything but thrilled. I adjusted in my seat so that I could position myself as far away from Todd as possible.
The date started off when Todd picked me up in his rusty red Geo Metro, the kind of car you only see clowns driving. He smiled, displaying his teeth with a snaggle tooth hanging ever so slightly out of place. Why did I agree to go on a blind date? I thought. My friend Heather set me up with Todd, thinking that we’d be a match made in heaven. Guess again, Heather. So already three minutes into this date, I wanted to make up an excuse to get away from Todd. Grandma got ran over by a reindeer, I was experiencing premenstrual syndrome; the cat got stuck in a tree. None of these excuses were legitimate, so I said what the heck, and climbed into the car.
Dinner was interesting. Todd tried to impress me by running off his baseball stats, which I don’t know anything about baseball. We talked about college life and our jobs, whatever you normally talk about on first dates. Then came the awkward silence. You know, the kind of silence where you have nothing to say and you’re not saying anything and he’s not saying anything. I was kind of looking around the restaurant when Todd leaned into me. “Your breasts look fabulous in that shirt,” he said with a smile. Shocked, my mouth dropped open and I instinctively put my hand across my chest. I don’t think he noticed my reaction because he continued to smile, practically undressing me with his eyes. I quickly said thanks, thinking this guy is nuts if he thinks that girls actually want to hear a comment like that.
I ate as quickly as I could, then we headed to the movie theater. As we stood in line to get our movie snack, I glanced at Todd who was standing in front of me. I noticed on his neck big red welts. It was a sure sign of a serious case of bacne. I was somewhat relieved when we got to our seats as the movie began to play. At least I wasn’t forced to talk to him. About thirty minutes into the movie, I was feeling a bit more comfortable, happily popping Junior Mints into my mouth. Then, I felt a cool, clammy touch to my leg. I looked down to see Todd’s hand resting on my knee. I tried to stay calm as I carefully crossed my legs, brushing Todd’s hand away.
After rejecting him once from making a move, you think the guy would have some common sense not to try anything else, but he stepped up to the plate once more. Using the common stretch-and-arm-around-the-shoulder technique, Todd successfully elbowed me in the eye. I sat there holding my eye with Todd saying sorry over and over again, trying to console me. “Look, I think you’re a really cute girl, and this has been an amazing date,” Todd whispered to me. Oh great, I thought, a guilt trip just to sucker me into giving him a little action. He took out his billfold displaying his assortment of magnum wrappers. “Do you just wanna go?” He questioned with a twinkle in his eye. I jumped up, right in the middle of the theater, grabbing the icy cold beverage out of the cup holder and poured the contents into Todd’s lap. He sat there instantly holding onto what was left of his instincts. I exited the theater promising myself to never go on another blind date again.
